Insomnia-inspired musings

I don't know what time it is, nor why I am awake. It is taking me rather longer than anticipated to adjust my internal sleep clock to the time here. But I don't know that it is entirely jet lag. I find that I often wake up and think how very happy I am to be here. And there is a fluttering of excited anticipation, too, a sense that I am where I am meant to be, at this moment in time, a trust that everything will work out. Just a month ago, I had never even heard of this town, and yet now I am here. I very much enjoy the seeming randomness of that, the ability to unexpectedly wash up in new foreign places, to explore. I am thrilled and grateful to be here, and even to have awakened and had the urge to write, which I had thought had been wrung from me during this last semester. Why Serbia? Why this town? Why am I here? Metaphysical uncertainties aside, I have hoped to return to this region ever since I spent a week in Bosnia last spring, and to return to Serbia, specifically, since a two-day visit to Belgrade the fall before. Prior to that trip, I had of course had a general geographic sense of where Serbia was, and some knowledge of the events of the previous decade, but nothing more. Judging from the responses elicited by my mention of summer plans -- most commonly, inquiries about safety and potential status as a war zone, but also one, 'Where is Serbia?' and another, 'Won't that be really hot in the summer? I mean, it's in the desert,' I hardly think that I would have been alone in this unawareness had I not had the opportunity to come here.

Prior to my first trip, I deliberately avoided any books, guidebooks, or others' impressions of the country, as I wished to experience it, to get a sense of it, for myself. I had emailed some people through hospitality websites, and was surprised and interested in the particularly rapid, welcoming and gregarious nature of their responses -- rather extraordinary even by American standards. My interest was piqued, and when I returned I began to read more about the recent history of the former Yugoslav republics, and eventually wrote my thesis on a topic related to Bosnia. In the course of this research, I constantly encountered material on Serbia's role in the conflicts, diplomatic morasses and political struggles of the region. It seemed as though an overwhelming amount of the literature covering the events following Yugoslavia's disintegration takes one of two approaches: either vilifying Serbia, and the ethnic Serbs, blaming the entire collective group and nationalist overtures for a Greater Serbia for the entire conflict, or (the opposite extreme) casting Serbia as long-aggrieved, struggling against imperialist overtures from the Ottomans and the Hapsburgs, misundestood by the West. Some even attribute the conflict less to events within Yugoslavia itself than to an ulterior desire of the Western powers to bring down the country.

There really is very little information available that does not adopt some formulation of either of those extremes. By and large, the former approach tends to be taken by American/most Western academics, and the latter by the two or three Serbian-authored pieces I was able to track down, as well as by the most leftist of the Westerners. As someone generally suspicious of any extremist perspective, and conscious of the spin on conflicts that can be cast by victors and the rich or ideologically-different, and highly skeptical of collective vilification, I spent months reading these articles and trying to cut through the interwoven biases and agendas. I am now fairly convinced that much of the academic extremism resulted (and results) from a fundamental misunderstanding of the perspectives of the 'other', and possibly from general limitations to the accuracy of outside observations of very complex politics.

Regardless of this conviction, much of the literature still tended to collectivize the individual Serb or Croat or Bosnian into mass-held perspectives. The events of February, when most members of the international community recognized Kosovo as a country and when the American media played up the ensuing riots outside of the U.S. Embassy in Belgrade, made me realize that I was especially curious to learn more about Serbia and to further grasp the dimensions of what appears to potentially be a colossal cultural misunderstanding. Much of this may result from what seems to be a gap between the realm of academia and the world of humanity. But even in a non-academic context, a number of episodes of 'Law and Order' and one recent movie which I believe was entitled 'Hunting the Fox' continue to play up the image of ethnic Serbs (often conflated with Serbians) as violent, cruel, heartless rapists and murderers. Although the violence and horror of the atrocities committed by all sides in the wars are undeniable, and I don't at all in any way wish to overlook or condone any of those actions, this popular conflation is the equivalent of labeling all ethnic Germans as Nazis -- simply false. It is also very much at odds with my experience in Serbia last year, and my experience in the country so far this year.
At any rate, I am very pleased to have had the opportunity to come back, to deepen my acquaintance with this country and its culture and, most importantly, with some of its people.